I am very grateful I have such an open minded, difficult to phase husband. Let’s just get that mini brag out there from the off.
Telling someone, whether they are close to you, a casual acquaintance or a complete stranger, that you like to be spanked can cause some brains to immediately draw certain assumptions.
“This person enjoys pain and humiliation.”
“This person is some kind of sexual deviant.”
“You like being spanked? That’s weird, you’re weird”
“Oh, so that’s why you bought that bigger house. So you can convert the spare room into a dungeon”
And so on….. It’s probably why a lot of us never bother telling anyone outside the community.
It’s the knee jerk reaction of a lot of non-spanking fetishists. It’s frustrating, but I guess it’s no different to many other pastimes and cultures. People instinctively reject what they don’t understand.
If you do choose to open up a dialogue with someone not into Spanking, you’ll probably find most will at least get why it might be sexually enjoyable as an action.
If you describe it in a comically literal fashion, it is a hand coming into repeated physical contact with an intimate partners naked buttocks, causing the aforementioned buttocks and the surrounding genitalia to vibrate and jiggle, usually eliciting a groan, moan, wimper or squeal on impact from the intimate partner.
(Feel free to use that on your next Spanking Party invites, your welcome)
OK, to us that all seems very clinical but it has a lot of words in there that would engorge even the most “Vanilla” of sexual organs.
“Naked,” “Buttocks,” “Vibrate,” “Jiggle,” “Groan,” “Moan,” “Wimper,” “Squeal.” All excellent words, and it is the strength of these excellent words that will allow non-fetishists to, at the very least, give it a go.
Sidenote – I would like to one day hold a test group, where I have a room with a naked bottom presented, ask people to go into the room and ask what their initial compulsion was to do to that bottom. For me, it’s a no brainer, I would want to spank it, I literally can’t think what else someone would be compelled to do? So it would be interesting to find out. It would also just be fun.
Maybe I’ll get a Kickstarter going?……
I think a lot of people can see why having your butt (consensually) slapped could be a turn on.
But as us Spanking Fetishists know, there is so much more to it than that!
When BeardFace and I first started discussing the idea of him spanking me, the actual act of slapping my butt did not phase him, he didn’t really get anything out of it at the time, but he understood why it could be enjoyable and was more than happy to oblige.
The issue was, when trying to trigger it or work it into our lives, he only saw sense in doing it as a reward. His logic was, it’s something she really enjoys so I spank her when she does something good.
Makes sense, right?
Yes, absolutely makes sense.
Then why are you looking at me like that?
Like you desperately want to say something, but have forgotten how to use words.
Rewards spankings are great, you are still getting a spanking but they are more casual, usually not too hard and quite easy to initiate. I love getting those every now and then.
But they are not really what gets me going.
My favourite type of spanking is a Punishment spanking.
Now I personally don’t like to bring any important real life issues into my spanking games, but there’s plenty (and I mean puuurrr-leeennn-ttteee) of more trivial or silly things I say and do everyday that could justifiably earn me a spanking. I do love to purposefully brat, find loopholes, talkback but to be honest most of the time I’m not even doing this shit on purpose!
BeardFace agreed, he knew I was a smart-arse when he married me and he wouldn’t change it for the world (I assume? I haven’t asked him but I’m sure that’s where he stands on the matter)
But he didn’t see the connection, and in came, riding on the back of a panzer tank, the massive fucking question.
If you love being spanked so much, how is spanking you a punishment?
I am not angry at anyone who asks this question. It is a perfectly legitimate and logical question, and that is why I hate it so much and why I want to put a claymore mine underneath the tank it’s riding in on.
I will try and explain as best I can from my perspective of Punishment spankings, but I’ve learnt they mean so many different things to so many people.
Maybe we can get more perspectives down the line when exploring different dynamics?
What makes it a punishment spanking?
So for me, a punishment spanking would usually include some extras not usually used in a reward or maintenance spanking.
- A telling off/Scolding – If I am getting punished for something, I want to be told what that is, why that warrants a punishment, how I’m getting punished. I want to be asked “do you understand?” “is that clear?” and want to be made to acknowledge the telling off.
- Humiliation – Nothing major, just being made to answer “yes sir” to questions or directions, being made to stand in the corner, being put in my doms eye-line when being told off and ultimately being expected to be sorry for what I had done.
- Structure but with escalating severity – Whereas a reward spanking is normally impromptu and lasts as long as you both feel like it. A punishment should, in my view at least, start with a structure (e.g. “You did X, that means you are getting 20 with the X, followed by 30 with the X, then stand in the corner.) If all goes to plan, that structure is completed, you apologise and promise to be good, you kiss, cuddle up together and stew in your respective gooeyness.
The escalating severity comes into play when the structure has been completed, and the submissive is still not behaving, still being bratty and clearly not yet sorry. Then it ramps up (e.g. “You are still not taking this seriously, go bend over the bed whilst I fetch the XXX)
But all those things turn you on? So I still don’t get why it’s a Punishment?
*Sighs. I know, it’s doesn’t make sense does it. I’ll try and explain…..
So yes, all those individual things do make me tingly down and/or all up in there.
The thing is they, in order to make me tingly, they all require context.
Yeah, that’s right, you weren’t expecting CONTEXT to be the hero of the story were you?
I love being spanked (just in case you, for some reason, started reading this blog from this paragraph)
Husband comes home from work, greets me, checks I’m OK, puts me over his knee and spanks me.
Turned on? Hell Yeah!
Stranger in the supermarket sees me knock over some tins, puts me over his knee and spanks me.
Turned on? Hell No, and I reach for my taser.
I love standing in the corner
Husband decides I need to calm down after freaking out about something minor (there’s probably a spider in the area), he tells me to go upstairs, stand in the corner and he’ll be up in a minute.
Turned on? Why yes, thank you for asking.
I go to the bank to discuss opening a new savings account, the lady at the counter says my adviser isn’t ready and can I please go sit in the corner until I’m called.
Turned on? Errrrr, no. No need for a taser this time, but definitely nothing going on below.
You get the idea.
It’s not just the action that’s the turn on, it’s the context and the scenario in which it’s happening.
But I can spank you, put you in the corner, tell you off etc for fun. Why does it need to be a punishment?
For crying out loud, will you let me finish!
You can do all that for fun, and that’s exactly what it would be. Fun!
Sometimes I’m after more than just fun.
A punishment for me is very fun, but that fun is kind of a base layer running through the whole thing.
Thrown on top of that is a bit of remorse, a warming feeling of being cared for, the fear of the unknown and trepidation of the level of pain I will get and that I can take.
Why the hell do you find fear and trepidation of impending discomfort fun?
The same reason when we go to a theme park, you don’t spend all day on the monorail.
You queue for 45 minutes for the ride called Soul Consumption and feel sick with fear and trepidation the entire time.
You then get off the ride still shaking, spend £15 on a mousemat with a photo of you looking terrified on it.
Then go round and start queuing again.
Hey, that Mousemat has been very handy!
I would apply the same argument to when you watch a horror film, or even playing some sports. (I don’t play rugby myself but I imagine you go into it knowing you may go in with more teeth than when you leave.)
People generally enjoy an element of fear.
So long as it’s in a safe and controlled manner.
On a rollercoaster, you know it’s been safety tested and you are harnessed in.
When playing Rugby, you have protective gear, you are playing by rules respected by both teams and there are referees and medics present.
When watching a horror film, you know you can look away, turn it off, and that it doesn’t matter anyway because you just saw a boom in shot reminding you this is not real.
Well it’s the same with a Punishment Spanking, it is scary for the submissive, but that fear is what makes it exciting, and what steps it up as an experience from any other kind of spanking (for me.)
And it is in a safe and controlled manner, just like the other stuff.
You have a safeword (some people don’t want these used during punishments, I don’t agree with that but that’s a whole other post! Short story, have a safeword!!!) you are also in a loving and/or trusted relationship, friendship or dynamic with the person carrying out the spanking and you know however hard or harsh this gets, you are perfectly safe and cared for, before, during and after.
I don’t know if I can say I enjoy a punishment spanking at all times whilst it’s happening, but you don’t enjoy a vertical drop rollercoaster for most of its duration. You then get off the rollercoaster and go “Awesome! Let’s get a mousemat!”
Mmmmmmm, OK, so I guess that explains why the fear might be exciting, but why remorse? Why do you want me to make you feel bad about yourself?
Well, I don’t want you to make me feel bad about myself, and you won’t.
If I’ve done something bad, chances are I already feel bad about it, I’m probably obsessing over it, running it round my head over and over again. Or just letting it slowly seep guilt and shame into my frontal lobe.
People punish themselves all the time, without thinking about it, to appease others and to help lift their own sense of shame.
Do you have an example in the form of an analogy?
I think we both know that I do!
You stay up drinking and watching TV, you realise your partner has been doing housework all evening and has now gone to bed.
You stay up longer, you drink more. You eventually go to bed, look at your sleepy partner and feel guilty.
You say sorry to your partner for not helping today, they say “it’s fine, don’t worry, love you, night night, mwah mwah”
Great! They don’t mind, they are fine about it.
But wait, you still feel bad about it.
They are not the one making you remorseful, this is all on you buddy!
You set your alarm, get up super early, unload the dishwasher, mop the floor, make breakfast and at a time that could be worthy of the title “a lie in” go up with a cup of tea to wake them.
You effectively punished yourself.
To ease your guilt and to give your partner a pleasant experience. Win Win!
So to apply this to a punishment spanking, I’m a grown ass woman, I know right and wrong. When I do something wrong however, I still want it to be acknowledged in some way and worked through.
It’s not about you making me feel bad, it’s about us both knowing I did something to warrant a punishment and supporting me whilst we get through to the other side of it together.
Cool, well that all seems to check out. To go back to the original question….
Oh Christ, really?
Yes, Surely the point of a punishment is to stop you doing the bad thing again?
Well, aren’t you just going to keep doing it to get punished?
*Look of utter confusion.
We talked earlier about our hero, context.
Part of the enjoyment of a punishment spanking, is being in that headspace of “This is a Punishment, I have done a naughty thing and I am now being punished for it.”
I can slip into that headspace very quickly and easily once it becomes clear I am about to be punished for something, and I need to take it seriously (to an extent) for the scene to work.
If I get a spanking for biting my nails for example, and as soon as the scene ends I tap my dom on the shoulder and bite my nails in his face.
- I will get nothing from him, that’s just being bratty for the sake of it and it will just get me ignored. Which for a brat is our kryptonite.
- It voids the whole previous scene, it means nothing I felt during the scene was real. It completely takes away the exciting elements mentioned above that made it a punishment, and will just make the dom feel like they didn’t perform well enough or that it was a waste of time.
Everyone is unhappy.
If I get a spanking for biting my nails, I will try my absolute hardest to NOT bite my nails afterwards. I might fail, I might get another spanking, I might fail again and it gets stepped up to a caning, but I will absolutely be trying not to.
It’s out of respect and appreciation of the dynamic and the scenes, but also, from a more selfish point of view, it kind of extends the fun of the punishment for the submissive.
By obeying the lesson of the punishment, you get that warm fuzzy feeling of knowing you are being looked out for and that you are being a little good sub and doing as you are told, everytime you so much as look at your nails.
The next time your dom asks to see your nails, you can hold them up proudly and either get a reward spanking for how good they look or get a punishment spanking for being too smug.
In summary, when I sign up for a punishment spanking, I’m signing up for the whole package.
I wanna be told off, I wanna be spanked, I wanna be coddled afterwards then I wanna be let out into the world with my stinging butt a reminder not to do that thing I was about to do.
The whole is greater than the sum of its parts.
Yeah that definitely helped. Thanks
Awesome! I’m the greatest explainer there ever was or ever will be.
You sound like you are being a bit too smug…..